Nanny Perdue and Uncle Barack
We need them, because we are obviously too dumb and irresponsible to make informed decisions for ourselves.
Following up the federal government’s decree this week to essentially outlaw adult beverages that contain a mix of caffeine and booze, the N.C. Alcoholic Beverage Commission, at Gov. Bev Perdue’s urging, has voted to allow retailers to return the popular drinks to wholesalers for credit, effectively wiping store shelves clean of the dreaded concoctions.
The caffeine-fueled alcohol drinks, fed beverage dictators declared, had become crazy popular on college campuses and were leading to binge drinking and all sorts of mayhem, or something.
This from The Washington Post:
The mixture creates a state of “wide-awake drunk” that makes it difficult for people to realize how intoxicated they are and enables them to consume far more alcohol than they otherwise would without passing out, officials said. That puts them at increased risk for alcohol poisoning, engaging in risky behavior such as driving drunk, and committing or being the victims of sexual assaults, they said. Consuming one can of Four Loko – the most popular product – has been compared to drinking five cans of beer and a cup of coffee.
Um, OK. Last time I checked, caffeine was still legal in the U.S., and alcohol has been since repeal of the 18th Amendment. So legally-aged consumers supposedly can handle a few brewskis and a double espresso chaser; but combine the two in the same bottle and we suddenly become deranged, sex-crazed monsters fueled into a destructive frenzy by the alchemic mix.
More fascinating still is the prospect that my grandmother, were she still alive, would now be considered a high risk to society by federal authorities. Grandma, you see, enjoyed the occasional Irish Coffee. So let’s do the math: a bottle of Four Loko equals five beers and one cup of coffee, according to fed beveragecrats. One shot of whiskey packs roughly the same alcohol by volume as five beers. The basic recipe for an Irish Coffee – one shot of whiskey and one cup of coffee, add a little cream and sugar.
Nanny Perdue and Uncle Barack, meet your worst nightmare: Grandmas Gone Wild.
Let’s be clear: this beverage-as-devil’s drink dictum is but the latest infringement on the free market by big government rabid to exert its authority and control over the public sector. Think Happy Meal thoughts and have a good day, citizen.
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